you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
