ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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