Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
