fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
