That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
