Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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