I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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