real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
