May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
