He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
