she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
