it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
