"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
