you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
