Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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