if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
