my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We got so high we made milksteak
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
