I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
