I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize