Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm jealous of your bromance
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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