Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
