My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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