i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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