So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize