can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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