He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
