i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
