awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
