As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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