he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
