I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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