The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Shame - the story of my life.
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