I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
