Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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