you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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