He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
