Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
