I wannas sexs uuuuu
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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