you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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