I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
