it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
