I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
