chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
