you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
