She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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