JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
