If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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