My pussy is not your playground.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
