Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
