I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
