I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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