Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
