you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
