Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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