I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
