You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
