The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
