i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
