remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
