P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
