I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
