i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
