I can tuck mytits in my pants
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
