it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
